Sunday, July 28, 2013

Screme Eggs, Butterfinger Pumpkins, and Pumpkin Spice Candles = HALLOWEEN!

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Can you feel it? I know I can. It happens occasionally when the wind starts to pick up. On a chillier than normal evening. With the sun shrinking in the distance, casting long shadows down the streets. The sound of rustling leaves off in the distance.

These are the telltale signs of the coming fall season. Not only is this my personal favorite time of year, but it brings about two very important things. It ushers in my 'busy season' of content as well as the first of two very important year end holidays... HALLOWEEN!

I could not be more excited for this seasonal change. I have a feeling that this year is going to be something special. Filled with all kinds of crazy new products. It has to be. I never remember finding as much Halloween merch this early in the year as what 2013 has brought to us.

See the photo above? It was taken today. That is five very distinctive Halloween items. Screme Eggs. Butterfinger Pumpkins. And a candle scented like pumpkins. This is the same stuff that I'd normally be spending a couple hundred words gushing about in late September, praising the return of The Great Pumpkin.

Yet here we are in July, talking about stuff we shouldn't rightfully be seeing for at least another month. And I am not complaining one single bit! Christmas has been creeping into Halloween territory for years now. It only seems fitting that we bump the unholiest of holidays up to compensate.

Stay tuned, folks. I have a feeling that this years Halloween Countdown is going to be starting sooner than ever!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Best Garage Sale Find Ever!

Earlier today I was sitting at home plunking away on the computer, working towards finishing up an article that I've been writing for the past few days. When suddenly my phone rang.

"You need to come to this garage sale. It's full of skulls and Halloween shit. I'll pick you up in like a minute." It was my friend Mike. Telling me about what would soon become the greatest garage sale find in the history of garage sale finds.

Upon arrival we were greeted by a very nice husband and wife who explained that over the years they had collected to many Halloween decorations and needed to sell off some of the older items to make room for future purchases. Since the words "to many" never enter my vocabulary, I happily obliged and created the pile of stuff you see in the photo above.

On any normal day the box full of bones and skulls would be the highlight of the adventure. And they are a good find. Let's not downplay them one bit. But the real reason why we are gathered here today is because of my new best friend, that fucking awesome demon statue!

The price was an absolute bargain... almost on the verge of being a steal. I feel like I should have spent twice as much on this guy as what I did. But isn't that the point of a garage sale? Good purchases for cheap prices. This is almost a rarity in today's e-bay driven market, in which the cost of anything even remotely considered a collectable typically gets marked up double or triple the price of what its actually worth.

I've decided that this statue isn't your traditional Halloween Prop purchased at local shopping mall. I've dealt with enough of those kinds of items in my time to be able to spot one when I see it. Even the expensive props are pretty cheap in quality. This one clearly isn't.

He's heavy and made from a material that I cannot quite identify. This isn't plastic... but it isn't metal or wood either. Some sort of resin, perhaps? Who knows. What I do know is that it's a hand crafted piece and judging by the looks of it it's clearly haunted.

I dare you to tell me otherwise! I've seen enough of those haunted house programs to know that this is the item some evil spirit latches itself onto and becomes the sacred object that eventually must be removed from the house in order to stop the chaos.

And you know what... that is OK with me. I don't care if its haunted by the souls of seven ancient Indian warriors and cursed by a coven of witches. I'm never getting rid of it! It's going to sit on a shelf someplace from now until the end of time.

This October I will carry it around with me and take creepy photos in the forest. I'll pop out of supermarket isles and frighten small children. Hid in bushes and yell obscene things at the elderly, then blame it on the statue.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Screme Egg Returns!

Halloween Candy 2013
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I was unpacking truck at work the other day and tucked away in between a bunch of other boring junk was this creepy little gem. The Cadbury Screme Egg has made its triumphant return to store shelves!

Screme Egg's made there horrific debut in 2012 and I am quite glad to see them returning again this season. It was one of my favorite pieces of candy from last Halloween, even if its just a traditional Cadbury Egg re-skinned for the Halloween Season. It has green slime colored frosting lurking inside a chocolate egg shell. That's kind of a big deal!

If you want a more detailed review of them, I suggest checking out this piece from last years Halloween Countdown. It should help indulge your sweet tooth just a bit and start to get your Halloween blood boiling.

Perhaps more importantly than the actual Screme Egg itself is what this box represents. Folks, this is full fledged Halloween Candy in July. Not a generic bag of candy corn. Not some mixed container of suckers and sweets in an orange package. This is the real deal. I'm calling it now... Screme Eggs mark the official return of the Halloween Countdown! 

Summer has already overstayed its welcome. I say we usher it out as quickly as possible. I'm tired of hot weather and stupid insects. Give me cool fall nights and horror movies. That sounds like bliss compared to dumb-old July.

Keep your eyes peeled everyone. The Screme Egg is just the beginning. The good stuff... the new stuff... is bound to be just around the corner. The Halloween Season waits. It's ready to pounce. I can just feel it.

And I'm excited!

Looking for more Halloween fun? Check out Candy Corn Oreo's from 2012!

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Kool-Aid Liquid ... Part One !

Hello faithful readers, all nine of you. Welcome to the month of July! Smack dab in the middle of the 2013 Summer Season. The days have grown longer, hotter, and filled with thousands of insects waiting to suck your blood and leave little itchy red dots. I hate the month of July!

I don't like the weather. I don't like the bugs. Children basically annoy me. And the best part of the month (fireworks) happens within the first four days. Leaving the rest of July crappy and annoying.

Liquid Kool-Aid
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Thankfully we have the Kool-Aid Man to help us get through this rough stretch of bullshit. And this time he is coming to us sans the traditional powdered way and in a brand new spiffy liquid format.

Competition is much more fierce here in 2013 than it was during Kool-Aid's inception in 1927. Back then powdered shit that you mixed with water was pretty high tech business.  These days nobody really wants to spend the time to make a gallon of Kool-Aid. We want something quick. Portable. And easily smuggled into theaters and such.

Kool-Aid Liquid fills this void. Coming to us in four very traditional flavors, Orange, Cherry, Grape, and Tropical Punch. I've officially got enough of this stuff on hand for the next eight years... but I sort of can take solace in knowing that no matter what happens in my life I will have, for the foreseeable future, Kool-Aid Liquid on hand.

For the rest of the month I will be periodically reviewing each flavor. I've always viewed Kool-Aid as a beverage best enjoyed during the summer months and July is probably the most "summer" of them all.

This is my way of hopefully speeding up the month of July so we can get started on with the Halloween Countdown.  Is it fall time yet?